Humor, Life

Singles Awareness Day

…. Or as others like to call it Valentine’s Day.

For those, like me, who are single and have zero interest in dating and have a true disdain for the opposite sex. It’s a tough holiday. I mean, come on, you try and go to the movies and are surrounded by annoying couples professing their love for one another every ten damn seconds. When all you want to do is watch people’s heads get blown off. Besides Facebook is bad enough with these long endless paragraphs of women (mostly) saying how awesome their boyfriend or girlfriend is. Or you go to Starshmucks.

Starshmucks Barista: Oh it’s buy one get one free, you know… Valentine’s day.
Me: No thanks.
Starshmucks Barista: Get it for your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Me: Single.
Starshmucks Barista: Get it for you!
Me: No Brenda, get one for you cause I just want ONE COFFEE!

My favorite question “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” I don’t know, Brenda. I just don’t know. Maybe treating it like every single fucking day of the year? Drinking coffee, watching a movie, working, going to the gym, talking to my cat about how stupid the holiday is?

Then I hear “you’ll have a different take on the holiday when you’re dating.” Um no. I’ve hated the holiday since day one of my existence. All thirty two years of it.

Here’s how I handle Valentine’s day: (please note that every year it varies, depends on how annoyed I am with people)

1 – Hand out Valentines. You heard me! Do it! Here’s a little story as to why I do this:

A few years ago, I started in a new department. The week before Valentine’s day. My first day, I got an meeting request for handing out Valentine’s. First reaction…. Fuck. Second… what the hell am I going to do?!?! That one meeting request spawned a yearly tradition of handing on Valentine’s. Cute little crafty valentine’s. Super adorbs (I’m washing my hands with bleach just for typing that word). Glittery and with pretty writing. Normally saying, I Hate People. Love Sucks. Where’s the Booze, etc.

2 – Find friends who feel the same.

 Unfortunately this is no longer the case for me. All of my friends are off in happy little relationships with their SO’s while single me is trying to figure out what to do besides spend another night at home working. But seriously, when you have friends that hate the holiday just as much as you do, it makes it so much more fun!

3 – Watch some old school slasher flicks!

I spend most of my Valentine’s day watching Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street.

4 – If you have kids:

Take them out for hot chocolate and cupcakes. This is a tradition for Kairi and I, when she’s home. Which in the last 8 years has only been twice.

5 – Go to Happy Hour:

Ok, I normally don’t condone drinking. But sometimes it’s nice seeing people who are just as miserable with life as you are.

6 – Stay away from restaurants:

Unless it’s for happy hour. Trust me! If you think the movies are bad? Restaurants are WAY worse..

7- Treat yo self!

This year I'm getting myself a pedicure. Mostly cause my feet are really really bad and I desperately need one. 

If you're single, the holiday sucks. I get it. You see all of the happy couples out there and you want to go Charles Manson on their asses. Don't commit a homicide. Do whatever you want to do! And don't be uncomfortable doing it! Life is meant to be lived. Don't stay holed up at home on this ridiculous day. Also, the 15th all chocolate is 50% off. Just saying...

On a serious note, I’ve always hated the holiday. I find it incredibly superficial. Just another hallmark holiday for companies to profit from. Same shit goes for Sweetest Day. When the hell did that holiday even start? Cause I sure as hell don’t remember it in school.


Kristy Kronas is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Personal Trainer in the burbs of Chicago. She is a single parent and author with a children's book almost finished! She has a passion for lifting, boxing, kayaking, and a hatred of running. If you have any questions, comments, or just want to say hi, shoot her an email!


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