Bad Mom: Putting Yourself Kind of First and Tips for Not Losing Your Shit

As a mom. Our first job in life is to take care of our kids. To make sure they don’t turn out like assholes. Especially assholes like this one. Then again, his parents totally condoned his actions. So who’s the bad mom there.

Anyway, new parents/moms often put their lives on hold for their children. They don’t go out with their friends any more. The only time they do go out is to the store. Their whole lives revolve around their kids. Now, this isn’t a horrible thing. It is the age of the helicopter mom. But where do you draw the line?

First off, did you know there are 13.7 million single parents. And 82.2% of them are women? Kind of crazy if you ask me. Anyway, that’s a lot of single moms out there.

Back to where I was going with this, being a mom it’s hard. Being a new mom, even worse. Especially when you have people who are telling you what you should and should not be doing. It’s hard. I’ve been there and I get it. When I was a new mom, I loved the parts of taking care of my kid. But then, I started hated being a mom. Watching my ex being able to go out with friends and being able to continue to be the same person he was. I was jealous. I wasn’t able to go out with friends very often. Granted I didn’t really have any more friends back then, just a few and they were mom’s too. I remember going to a playdate with Kairi, and we were there for a while! He would call constantly demanding to know why I wasn’t home yet. My whole life revolved around my daughter and my job. It took a break up to realize that enough was enough. Yes, I loved my daughter more than life itself. But I needed to take care of myself if I was going to take care of her.

Over the years, I’ve learned to balance the whole mom/work/home/me life. My daughter is now seven. She knows how important fitness is to me. How eating right is good for you. And how spending time together is important. When I’m there, I’m there with her. When she’s asleep I do what I need to do. When she’s off at her dad’s, I get more stuff done. It seems ridiculously crazy, and sometimes I even think it is, but it works. It works for me. And over the years, I found myself again. My normal, sassy, sarcastic, fun loving self.

Here are a few tips for surviving motherhood:

Never feel guilty

    I was listening to One Bad Mother podcast the other day. And there was this listener that called in crying, because she felt SOOOOO GUILTY! My heart hurt for her. She felt so guilty doing the one thing she truly loved doing. And spending evenings away from her son hurt her. Here’s my advice, never feel guilty. Your kid is going to remember a mom that was fun, full of life, passionate, and ambitious. He/she is going to remember seeing your face light up when you do something you’re passionate about. They’ll also remember seeing you miserable, angry, upset, and depressed. If you don’t do the things you love. I see that with my daughter. She was so young when I started training. She sees me now as happy, hardworking, and crazy. I’m so grateful she never saw the darker times of my life.

Find what you love and you’ll find yourself.

    This is 100% true. I love lifting and boxing, and that’s how I found myself.

Get help

    A psychologist is always a great way to get help. But I’m not talking about seeing a shrink. I’m talking your friends and family. My family has been a huge supporter for me. They watch Kairi when I need to go and do something. They watch her when I need a break. Friends too! Especially ones with older kids, little kids love older kids.

Take a break

    You’re going to hate me for saying this. But go on a week long vacation, with friends and NO KIDS! Seriously. You’ll be gone for a week, but it won’t be the end of the world. Take a break! At least once a year.

Have fun!

    We only have one life. Why be miserable? Why hate your life? Grab life by the balls! Take over the world. Whatever you have to do. And your kids will follow in your footsteps. They need to see what passion looks like. What hardwork looks like. Perseverance. Respect. Respect not just for others but for yourself.

If anyone tells you, that you’re a bad mom for doing any of those things. You don’t need their opinion or their time. They’re just going to waste yours.


Kristy Kronas is a Certified Personal Trainer in the burbs of Chicago. She is a single parent and author with a children's book being published this fall! She has a passion for lifting, boxing, kayaking, and a hatred of running. Watch out for her new venture this September when she launches a daily podcast called the 'Daily Donut.' If you have any questions, comments, or just want to say hi, shoot her an email!

 

 


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